Inventions I'd Like to See

You heard about 'em here first, and since I'm really more of a knowledge worker, you can carry your weight by handling the engineering, patenting, and marketing part. We'll split the profits even Steven!

The Kitchen Scanner. Got a fridge full of ingredients but Frazzled You can't quite come up with a plan for dinner? Or have you found a great recipe but can't recall whether one cup of walnuts and a pinch of fennel seed lurk behind all the bags of chips in the pantry? The Kitchen Scanner (TM) can help!

If you like the self checkout lane at the supermarket, you'll love how this technology has come home. Simply scan your groceries as you bring them home, and again as you consume them. The Kitchen Scanner will maintain an up-to-the-minute inventory of everything in your larder, right down to that jar of endives with the 1988 expiration date. Plus, its Recipe Generator feature will suggest delicious and wholesome meal plans from the stuff you already have.

OK, it needs a better name, but my dearest and I would totally buy one. And one of these, too:

PerfecTemp Shower Saver. Are you like me, torn between ecology and comfort in the shower? You want to save the planet's precious natural resources, but turning the water on and off and trying to get the temperature just right each time is enough to drive you crazy.

You know the drill. Turn on the hot. Now the cold. A little more cold. A little more cold. Whoops, too cold. Turn down the cold. That's per-- whoops, too hot. Ah, there we go. Pull the lever to turn on the shower. Get in.

Get the bod and hair all wet. Push the lever to turn off the shower. Find shampoo. The full bottle, not the empty one we keep in the shower hoping for Elijah to wander into our bathroom and pronounce it everflowing. Squeeze bottle. Not that much! Attempt to suck the excess back into the bottle. Too successful; squirt some more out. Start getting chilly. Lather. Grope for the spigots with soap in your eyes. Turn on the hot. AUGGH! TURN ON THE COLD! OK, not that cold! A little less. A little more. A little less more. A little more less. OK, that'll do. Pull the lever. Rinse. Push the lever. Attempt to turn both spigots off at the same rate so your toes don't get scalded or frostbitten in the process. Sort of succeed. There we go. Off. Ready to commence scrubbing.

Oops, forgot to dampen the facecloth. Start over again from step 1. And so forth from step 36 to the glorious end, except for the part where you think you're all done and are reaching for your towel when you remember you still have conditioner in your hair so you climb back in and start the temperature adjustment process all over again. No matter, though! Think how many gallons of water you've saved! Think how many acres of rain forest have gone unmolested by not heating all those gallons of water you didn't use. Think of your facial tic!

There's a better way. What if you could get the temperature just the way you like it, and coming out of the shower head all marvelously, and THEN you could turn the flow on and off by pushing a button. Why doesn't somebody market a shower fixture that has a valve between the spigots and the shower head? That's all it would take to comfortably save several gallons of heated water every shower.

Now get going and whip these starter ideas into shape. And don't forget about the profit-sharing thing.

The God Of Our Mind

My friend Lyle composed this little parable about idolatries ancient and modern.

The God Of Our Mind

A thousand years ago there was a man by the name of Ganran. He was a simple man, who was a farmer. Ganran lived in a culture that commonly used idols. Ganran was anxious that it wouldn't rain so he spent some of his savings and bought an idol made out of wood. He name it Urdoon.

Last year there was a man by the name of Henry. He was a basic man, but had been recently laid off from a manufacturing job. He went to church every Sunday and considered himself a Christian. Henry was anxious that he wouldn't find a job so he spend some of his savings and bought a book that would help him increase his faith in God. It was to be a God of his mind.

Ganran went to his wooden idol Urdoon and prayed that it would rain. That year it rained. Ganran had a good season and ate well. He thanked Urdoon for answering his prayer. Ganran's faith in Urdoon increased.

Henry prayed to his God that he could find a job. A week later he was able to find a job. Henry was able to pay all his bills and was able to pay down most of his credit cards. He thanked God for answering his prayer. Henry's faith in God increased.

In the next growing season, Ganran prayed again to Urdoon. This time it didn't rain. So Ganran prayed again. It still didn't rain. So then Ganran thought that maybe he had made Urdoon angry. So he began to think of how he had maybe disappointed Urdoon. So he performed an animal sacrifice to Urdoon. Maybe it would cause Urdoon to bless Ganran with some rain. But it didn't rain, so he thought to himself that maybe he should be a nicer person. Eventually after three weeks of trying to be a nicer person, it rained. Ganran thanked Urdoon for blessing him and for teaching him to be a more religious person. Ganran's faith in Urdoon was very high.

Henry was soon laid off from his new job, so Henry prayed to God again. Henry went to many job interviews for several weeks but couldn't land a job. So Henry prayed some more. He still couldn't find a job. So then Henry thought that somehow God was not pleased with something about him. So he gave a rather large offering at church one week. Maybe it would cause God to bless him with a job. But he still didn't find a job, so he thought to himself that maybe he should be more friendly with the people in his life. Eventually after three weeks and dozens of interviews, he found a job. Henry thanked God for blessing him and for teaching him to be a more religious person. Henry's faith in God was very high.

How much of our faith is based on our own imagination of what God is thinking? How much is it based strictly on what God's Word says?

It's Midnight: Do You Know Where Your News Media Is?

This curled my thinning hair. It's an up-to-the-minute list, with sources hyperlinked, of outrageous plagiarisms, fabrications, dishonest quotations, and various other damned lies by the mainstream media or well-known authors. The sort of people who should know better.

We've all heard of Jayson Blair, Dan Rather and the National Guard memos, and NBC's exploding pickup trucks. But there's a whole lot more where they came from. Yeesh.